My Obituary

Many years ago I suffered an abuse by an idiot who still walks free and for what is worse I'm the only one who is in prison. Trapped in this body, heavily drugged on pills, doubting every step I make. And my family minimizes everything to "I'm crazy".

Which makes me want to disappear.

Yes, it may be that I'm crazy but, is it my fault? do you know the weight of those words?

This brings me back to my suicidal ideations.

What would happen if I stopped existing? would you realize it was your fault, mom? would you realize that it is because I can't stand you anymore, dad?

But I decided to ask my followers on instagram: If tomorrow I stopped existing, what would you tell me today?

I had no idea SO MANY people were SNOOPING on instagram, because seriously, they don't care what I do. Peopla that "viewed" my story never gave likes to my stuff, never interacted with me.

147 people viewed my story and I think around 7 replied.

From the ones that didn't reply it hurted me to see names of people that I thought they truly cared about me. And to no ones surprise I saw people that act like "oooh I'm such a positive person I love everyone in the world" and whe push comes to shove you just hit skip, you lying rat, I'm gonna specify in my will for you to not come close to my wake you piece of shit, in fact, I'm gonna leave a note to have them beat you up you fucking twat.

WELL I got a little carried away in the fantasy that a will would have any weight the day I die because let's be honest. The day you die, you're dead and that's it. Your opinion is worthless because you don't exist, but the most relevant thing that makes me idealize death is that I wouldn't feel anything.

nothing.

Back to the instagram post, I needed affection. I was looking for a reason to stay, I was desperately looking if I truly mattered to someone. I received some comments that were nice. One even made me cry but not from joy, it was from regret. I was as if my departure were real, and I was sad about having to leave.

Anyway, what I did was add the people that did reply with something nice to my "best friends" list on instagram.

And as the time of my existence coming to an end approached, I thought to check how many people had actually seen the post and how many decided to send me a message or interact. There were 147, and I posted to all of them with the message that they saw my story and chose to stay silent, just watching.

There were a few, seriously just a few that felt offended.

And then some even bigger clowns who went back to the previous story to leave me their messages AFTER I TOLD THEM THEY WOULD JUST WATCH.

Face it. You stayed silent—you get the rainbow clown wig, makeup, and red nose. The rest stayed quiet. The one who made me angry was the guy who tried to ‘"defend" those who stayed silent by saying, "They just don’t know you, that’s why they don’t say anything."

>Speak for yourself you dumbass, what’s with you going around like a kid doing that "for me and all my classmates" kind of shit.

In fact, I hated that guy so much I blocked him and restricted him and all for being an idiot. If you're not capable of lending a hand and spread positivity don't go around trying to look good defending people that 1. you don't know and 2. they don't know you. (as superman 2025 would say that's not very punk rock from you to clap for the imbeciles that stayed quiet instead of trying to help)

From the replies I received on time (before exposing the 147 viewers) I made a drawing for them in a canvas that I think I'll keep but I'll never finish. I was going to upload it to instagram stories but I realized it suits me better to shout into the endless void that is the internet. It suits me better to make (and translate) a blog entry that no one is going to read. It suits me better to not give those bastards that watch and watch indiferently or worse, with morbid curiosity what they want.

So here are the drawings/instagram stories

I don't know if I wanna go back to Instagram.

In fact, I deleted the app from my phone.

But real life attacks me and HA! SUB PLOT

I got sent an iPad pen in exchange for making an instagram reel (and a YT short and a TikTok video)

I think what is healthiest is to use instagram in a much more passive way. It's not healthy for me to enter that app and be bombarded with talented successful people so I can corroborate what a useless failure I am. It's not healthy for me to scream in a place where 147 people listen and only 9 react, meanwhile miss big boobs has 29 monthly subs (paid ones) on her instagram.

I better stay here, in a domain so poor it isn't even ".com", but I know that if someone actually wants to read this, is because they made the effort to come here and read it all.

For you, my dearest reader: Thank you very much! I hope you write me your opinion on this piece on Discord.